Bone Deep
by bellagill92
Summary: They did say skeletons in the closet were no good – in his case, however, they were positively devilish. Miraxus Week 2014 Day 3. (Side-story to the 'Our World' series. Can be read as a stand-alone fic.)


**A/N: Happy Miraxus Week everyone! I was determined to contribute with at least one fic, so, without further ado, here's my version of 'Skeletons in the Closet'.**

**October x792**

Three days before Halloween, Laxus walked into the Fairy Tail Guild Hall for the first time in more than a week.

It should be noted that his long absence had _not _been caused by some sort of job or trip. No, he'd been right there in Magnolia.

More specifically, he'd been in the house he had been 'forced' to share with his grandfather ever since a certain unwillingly-extended stay in a certain allegedly-vanquished island had gotten him evicted from his apartment in town. If the old man was to be believed, his begrudged offer of a roof had solely taken place because 'having a Dreyar sleeping under a bridge was terrible press'. And, although Laxus had had no lack of money or opportunity to do so, he was yet to move out – moving was just too troublesome and someone had to be around to make sure the geezer didn't go senile all of a sudden and bequeathed all of the family heirlooms to one of the girls from the cabaret he usually frequented. His extended stay most certainly had nothing to do with wanting to make up to the old man for all the shit he'd put him through over the years by keeping him company in that big, empty house or a deep-seated fear that he'd fall down and break a hip or something and have no one to help.

Even if it was, it sure didn't sound like the old man was thankful if his grumbling about increased utility bills and his dragon slayer appetite were anything to go by (as if Laxus didn't cover that tenfold by always clearing his grandfather's tabs both at the guild and the cabaret, the latter of which was always shockingly high, which often had him wondering if he didn't stick lap dances in there too or whatever it was that these cabaret girls did besides showing their legs and serving drinks). The geezer had even gone as far as to inform him that had had been written out of his will and instead he'd be leaving everything to his most-trusted Mira-chan, 'who actually deserved it', including the house, which he'd gift to her while still alive, soon after her wedding. When Laxus had pointed out that after her wedding she'd be _his_ wife, making their finances one and the same, the old man had just scoffed and stated that it had been a long-running plan and it wasn't his fault she had such bad taste in men.

In any case, thankful or not, his regular presence at his grandfather's house had actually come in handy fairly recently, when the old man had come down with a bad case of the flu. It had been particularly hard to get through due to his grandfather's advanced age and even Wendy's magic hadn't been able to do much, mostly leaving it up to nature and the various remedies Porlyusica had Laxus shove down his throat. With Mira and Lisanna dropping by several times a day to help out and Porlyusica visiting every afternoon to poke and prod all she wanted, Laxus had been mostly in charge of making him take his meds and keeping an eye on the old man when nobody else was around.

Suffice to say, he was on the wrong end of a lot of complaining and general whining in those brief non-feverish moments… In the end, it had been some very long seven days. So, really, he couldn't be blamed for taking the first excuse he could find to take a break once the man was officially fever-free and mobile (although cautiously still locked-up at home until Porlyusica said otherwise): getting the paperwork the old man had been demanding even in his most delirious moments, fearing he would come back to find it in piles going all the way to the ceiling.

The guild was nearly empty when Laxus got there even though it was the middle of the day. Only the usual regulars that could already be counted among the guild's furniture, Nab by the request board, Macao and Wakaba at a table and Cobra sulking at the bar, were present, which, to be fair, wasn't that surprising since the 'S-Class Trial Effect' must have already kicked with them scheduled for less than two months away. People were especially eager to join in that year with the increased odds of not one but instead three guild members being eligible to be promoted in order to make up for all those years that had passed without trials. Little did the idiots know that the geezer was planning to keep that up for two more years to even things out…

"Hey, Laxus, how's your grandfather?" Wakaba asked when he saw him walking in, blowing a puff of smoke from his mouth. "Mira-chan tells us he's still a bit weak."

"Tch… he's fine. The geezer will probably bury us all before kicking the bucket himself," he responded carelessly while making his way to the bar.

Macao snorted and raised his glass. "I'll drink to that."

And as the older man did just that himself, Laxus walked over to the bar, where Kinana was serving Cobra a glass of liquid coming from a rather suspicious skull-drawn-on-the-side bottle. He accepted it with a grunt, sipping on it with a downcast look on his face.

"What are you moping about?" Laxus asked his fellow Dragon Slayer.

Cobra grunted again. "I am not moping. I am bored and annoyed," he corrected, as if there was much difference.

Behind the counter, Kinana shook her head. "He's being silly: that's what he is. He and his team were supposed to have left on a job first thing this morning but they lost their request notice…"

"We didn't lose it! It was stolen by that drunken woman," the Poison Dragon Slayer corrected her.

"Who? Cana?" Laxus asked, raising an eyebrow. "How'd she manage that?"

"She went for the weakest link in the group. She knows how to exploit weakness – I'll give her that," the one-eyed man observed, a slight hint of respect in his voice.

"The pink-haired firecracker?"

"No. The blue-haired _moron_," Cobra hissed. "It was friggin' easy too! To think he managed to pass as an evil mastermind at one point… She just had to sneak behind him while he was holding the paper, push him face-first into Titania's rack, snatch it out of his hand like candy from a baby and make a run for it while he was busy getting all flustered. Moron! Friggin' idiot still acts like a goddamn virgin when I know for a fact those cans are practically his own personal squeaky toy."

Laxus winced. "Fuck! I did _not_ need to know that," he said in disgust.

"Yeah, well, neither did _I_ but it's not like I can stop myself from hearing it," Cobra replied dryly.

"Tch… keep it to yourself, then," Laxus hissed, rolling his eyes before turning to Kinana. "Well, anyway, this is not what I came here for. I need the overdue paperwork to take home to the Old Man. He won't shut up about it."

"Oh, good. The pile was getting pretty large," the purple-haired girl responded, putting down the glass she'd been drying and walking to the very opposite end of the counter. She squatted down in order to reach a cabinet under the countertop… only to find it empty. "Eh? Where did it go?" she mumbled. "This is odd. I could swear I saw it here when I updated the tab records book…"

"I think I saw the demon barmaid fiddling with something in that cabinet before," Cobra mumbled vaguely, yet helpfully.

"Oh… yes, I suppose Mira-san could have moved it somewhere else," Kinana admitted. "I'll go to the kitchen and ask her…"

"Don't bother," Laxus said, already making his way to the kitchen door. "I'll do it myself."

"Oh, okay, then," Kinana agreed.

"Hey, tell her that if any request notice came with the post, it's mine. I'm sick of getting screwed out of jobs!"

Laxus to shoot the other Dragon Slayer a glare. "Tell her yourself. I'm not your goddamn errand boy." And, with that, he walked past the door towards the kitchen.

As always, it smelled friggin' amazing inside as Mira's cooking roasted in the oven yet, although said cooking was indeed roasting, there was no sign of the cook in question around. Raising an eyebrow, he made his way to the back door to see if she was taking out the trash into the alley. Nothing. He checked the adjoining bathroom and, again, no sign of Mira. The pantry came next and still nothing. Finally, he took strides towards the lost-and-found/cleaning supplies closet but, upon trying to open the door, he found it locked from the inside.

"_Don't come in! I'll be out in five minutes!_" came his fiancée's muffled voice from the inside.

"Shit, Mira, what are you doing locked in there for?"

"_Laxus?_" she asked, seemingly surprised that he would be there.

"Yeah, it's me," he responded. "Why is this door locked?"

"_To protect my modesty while I try some clothes on, of course_," she informed him, unlocking the door and thrusting only her head out so he couldn't even get a glimpse of anything below the neck. "No peeking," she demanded.

He rolled his eyes. "Suit yourself. As if I haven't seen it all before…"

Mira gasped. "Laxus! Don't make it sound like I'm old news before we're even married! You know, you're starting to make me regret that I didn't make you wait until out wedding night to let you lay your hands on the prize."

"Too late now unless you're planning to go back in time and tell your seventeen-year-old self not to make getting into my pants her mission," he pointed out.

She tried to look offended even though he might not be all that wrong… "I did no such thing," she defended herself. Lies.

"You keep telling yourself that, Jailbait."

"That will be 'Former Jailbait' to you, Laxus Dreyar," she replied, retreating back to behind the door, which she left ajar that time.

"What are you trying clothes on in a supply-closet for in the first place?" he asked. "Don't you have a place of your own?"

"_Lisanna got this for me when she and Elfman went out grocery shopping earlier today. I thought I'd check to see if the size was the right one while I waited for roast to be finished – it seemed like a good way to use the time_."

Laxus rolled his eyes. "Fine… whatever… anyway, what did you do to the guild's paperwork? Gramps wants me to bring it to him."

"_Oh, so he's already well enough to think of paperwork now?_" Mira asked, surprised. "_He still seemed a bit downcast last night._"

Laxus scoffed. "He had a beautiful woman waiting on him hand and foot. You think he's above milking it for all it was worth?"

Mira's head peaked out of the closet again and she giggled. "Aw, you called me a 'beautiful woman'." It was a rare thing, to get such a direct compliment from Laxus Dreyar.

He shot her a look. "You're Sorcerer's Weekly's favorite model. Isn't that obvious?" he blandly countered.

"But it sounds so much nicer when _you_ say it…" And, with a smile, the head retreated back in.

He rolled his eyes. "Tch… you're freakishly easy to please. Anyway, paperwork?"

"_Oh. There isn't any._"

He frowned. "What do you mean 'there isn't any'? Kinana said something about there being a huge pile this morning."

"_There was but now it's gone. Jellal offered to take care of it, so I let him take it_," she stated. "_He'll drop it off at your house once everything is filled in so your grandfather can sign it off_."

"He _offered_?" Laxus asked in disbelief. That idiot… Seriously, he got along with the guy better than most people but, Mavis, he was such a _nerd_. And an M too, by the sound of it – who would willingly submit themselves to paper-pushing other than a capital-letter masochist? Then again, Erza rubbed him as an S, so they probably balanced each other off if they really were into that kind of thing.

"_Yes. It's hardly the first time he has helped your grandfather with the guild's bureaucracy. Besides, he had nothing better to do: Erza left on a job earlier today and Cana stole the one his team had been meant to go on. Oh, she's got some nerve, that one… you won't believe what she did to Jellal!_"

"Yeah, I heard. Face, Erza's rack, ensuing metaphorical nosebleed…" Laxus said, sounding bored.

Mira giggled at his description. "_I've got to admit it was all worth it for Erza and Jellal's reactions. They were so adorable, blushing and stammering apologies. Isn't it wonderful when one of the pairs you root for give you such amazing material with no need for you to intervene? Oh, if only Natsu and Lucy would follow in their example…_"

"Tch… you definitely need a new hobby, woman. Anyway, since there's no paperwork…"

"_No, don't go just yet! I need you to zip me up,_" she requested before he could make his leave. Her head came out of the closet again. "But you still don't get to look."

"Then how the hell am I supposed to zip it up?" he asked and, before he could say anything else, her hand shot out of the closet and covered his eyes. "The fuck are you doing, Mira?!"

"Making sure you don't peek," she informed him. And then, he felt something covering his face, much to his alarm.

"_What did you just put on my face, woman?!_" he demanded, his voice a bit muffled.

"Don't worry, it's just a facemask. I just put it on you upside down so you couldn't peak through the eye holes," she informed him. "Hold on a second and zip me up, okay? I'll let you see what I'm wearing once it's all in place – I want you to get the full effect when you do!"

"_It had better be some friggin' amazing effect,_" he warned her.

"I like to believe that is my default setting," she replied playfully, turning her back to him and taking his hands, guiding them behind her back to the fastener at the bottom of the zipper. "Alright, just pull it up now."

Although he grunted, he did pull the fastener up… only to stop seconds later when it wouldn't go any further up. "_What? All that fuss for a five-inch zipper?_" he asked in disbelief.

"No, it goes all the way to my neck."

"_Well, it won't move further,_" he said, trying to feel around with his hands to see what was wrong. Although he could feel the zipper's teeth at the edge of the fabric, there was a large expanse of skin in between, indicating that it was a tight fit. "_Shit, Mira, your cans are too big for this. You need a bigger size._"

"No, I don't. Just pull the fabric together with your hands. It's very stretchy. The zipper is probably just at an odd angle."

"_Wait stretchy? What is this? Spandex?_"

"Maybe," she said cryptically.

It _did feel _like spandex and, like she said, after pulling some of the fabric together, the zipper came up with no problem. With that matter solved, he felt his fiancée pulling the mask off his face, although she kept his eyes covered with her hands. Without a warning, he felt her lips pressing against his softly.

"Thank you, Laxus. You were very helpful," she spoke. And then,she rushed back into the closet, allowing him only to catch a glimpse of a black and white blur.

"The hell? I thought I was allowed to see once you were dressed!" he said in annoyance.

"So impatient, Laxus! I just need a few more seconds," she informed him.

He could only groan in annoyance at that. The woman sure knew how to play him like a fiddle. But then, as promised, after a few seconds, the door opened and she stepped out of the closet wearing…

"What the fuck is that thing you have on?!" he asked in disbelief.

"Isn't it obvious? It's my Halloween costume," she replied.

"It's a skeleton," he said. She was, indeed, wearing a black, sleeveless spandex body suit with white drawings of bones placed in anatomically-correct positions all over it. On her arms she wore long gloves that went all the way up to her mid-upper arms, also with bones drawn on them, and her face was covered with a skull-type mask that probably was the one she had used to block his vision before.

"I know! Isn't it funny? Lisanna and I saw it last night at the shop's window on our way home. I thought it would be fun to dress up like this since you just _had_ to veto my suggestion of wearing a couple's costume…"

"Only idiots wear those," he replied.

"But Erza told me she's making Jellal wear one," Mira pointed out.

"You do realize you're just proving my point, right?" he informed her.

Mira pouted for a moment. "Don't be mean, Laxus," she demanded before giving a little twirl. There were drawings of bones on the back too – the back of the pelvic bone seemed particularly… fascinating. In an anatomically-correct sort of way. "So, how do I look?" she asked once she faced him again.

"Like a skeleton."

"No. I mean, do I look like a _cute_ skeleton?" she inquired.

A gruff part of him was about to reply that there was no such thing but then, her hand reached up to the middle of her neckline and it started pulling… and as it pulled, fabric came apart, revealing a very suggestively-placed hidden zipper.

"Sorry, I forgot this was here," she said innocently, putting her hand away and giving him an eyeful of partially-exposed cleavage. _Holy shit_. Never had he imagined he would, one day, feel sexually attracted to a skeleton. Especially once she pulled the mask off her face. "Mavis, this mask feels uncomfortable. I should probably use some transformation magic instead…" she mumbled before turning to him. "So, what's the verdict? Personally, I do think it's very flattering on my femurs." She promptly turned around, sending him a teasing look over her shoulder. "What do you think? Does it make my coccyx look good too?"

"Fuck, Mira, don't go around saying bone names like they're something dirty!"

The teasing look became altogether demonic. "Why? Is it giving you a bon…?"

"Do _not_ finish that sentence, woman!"

She pouted childishly. "So _touchy_, Laxus. And you still haven't answered my question about the costume. For all I know, you hate it." That was a lie – by the way his eyes were dilated, he was just about ready to jump her. Of course, he was fighting that very hard because he liked playing the alfa-male and getting seduced by her wasn't a pill he would naturally swallow …

He looked away. "Tch… if I hated it, I would have said it outright."

Her lips curled. He might as well have written her a poem. "Two compliments in one day. My, my, I should probably buy a lottery ticket while the winning streak lasts."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you go and do that. I've gotta go back to Gramps," he excused himself. "Mavis knows what he must have gotten up to the moment he saw himself alone."

"Oh, but he isn't alone," Mira said, getting incredibly close.

Laxus raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Elfman and Lisanna left not five minutes before you arrived," she said softly, her fingers playing suggestively with the collar of his shirt. "They were going to your house to help you with lunch. I suppose you must have missed each other on the way, although I'm sure they are already right there by now, keeping an eye on your grandfather and giving you a much, _much_ deserved break." She tilted her neck up and got on tiptoes so that he could feel her breath tickling his neck. "Have I already mentioned how proud I am of you taking it upon yourself to look after your grandfather all week? That was a very, _very _good deed. The sort of good deed that deserves a reward. And there is one reward I can think of giving you right now…"

Laxus groaned. "Shit, Mira, are you trying to kill me?" he hissed. His pants were becoming painfully tight. _Devil woman_.

"No, sweetie. I'm trying to _bone_ you," she informed him, as if it wasn't obvious enough.

"Again with the bone analogies!"

"That wasn't really an analogy," she stated, taking a step back and then another, until she was leaning on the closet's doorjamb. "Well? Are you coming in or what? These bones won't get themselves off on their own."

He nearly growled. "Demon," he hissed.

She smiled a truly wicked smile. "Only for you."

And so, without further ado, he gave in, following her into the enclosed space. They did say skeletons in the closet were no good – in his case, however, they were positively devilish.

**The End**

**A/N: And so, they boned indeed! Feedback is very important guys! What do you think? Should this be both the ending and beginning to my ventures into the Miraxus World?**


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